Category Archives: life choices

Loss of a Pet

I got home from the gym in a great mood. I went to the bird room, took Max out for some pets and to make lunch for the day, and then went back in to refill waters and food bowls.

I thought he was sleeping, then I went to refill his food and water and Max yelled and he didn’t move. I pet him and he didn’t move. I yelled for my boyfriend, “Cameron!! Cameron there’s something wrong with Pico!” he came running, started prying him off his doughnut, I started crying, and told me he was still warm. Pico was moving so slow, something was so wrong. I called my coworker and told her I’d be late that something was wrong with one of my birds.

I thought maybe he needed water so I filled a cup to the brim and we put his face in it, then we ran the shower and I put Max in a safe place and I called an animal hospital, where the automated message said to call “this number” for emergencies and I had to re-dial because I didn’t know I needed a pen. Still crying. Got the number, rinsed off, put on clothes that didn’t smell, and started driving with my baby in a hand towel.

Six minutes in to my ten minute drive, Pico stopped moving and he felt so hard and so cold and his eyes weren’t blinking and his tongue was practically laying out of his beak and I knew he was gone.
I started screaming and bawling and I called Cameron. I called him on the phone and I screamed his name and I begged him to pick up. No answer. Again. No answer. Again. No Answer. Crying, screaming, feeling hopeless stuck in traffic wondering how my bird could just leave me like this. We were so close, and he was already gone. He called me back, I yelled at him that Pico was dead and I didn’t know what to do . He said I still needed to go to the animal hospital. I did, and after about a minute they came back in and confirmed my worst dread; he didn’t make it. Cameron finished putting Max’s cage elsewhere and was on his way. I texted my coworker that my bird had died. I cried harder.

A nurse came out with Pico and I looked at her, looked at him, started crying and asked her if she could just keep him back there “‘Til my boyfriend gets here. I can’t, I’m sorry, I just can’t see him like this again right now”. And then another nurse came in and gave me a hug and told me that we had at least given him a good home. And then the doctor came in and I asked if she knew what happened and how we could find out why he was gone. She said we could do a necropsy and I told her that I’d make decisions when Cameron got there.

Then another nurse came back in and asked if I wanted his ashes back. I told her I didn’t know, that Cameron would decide when he got there.

All these people and all these questions and I just wanted to curl in a ball and hide and cry and I wanted Pico back and I wanted to be alone and I wanted Cameron and I couldn’t stop crying.

Cameron got there and I told him I was sorry and I cried a lot and he was so much stronger than me and he made all the decisions and we paid for the shipment for the necropsy and gave them our address for billing and then I cried some more. I went home, told my coworker I couldn’t come in, made an appointment for Max to be checked out, got in PJ’s and just sulked and cried. Cameron came home, we took Max to the vet, he was okay and I was so happy and still so worried.

A little less than a week later we got the necropsy results and they were inconclusive. We don’t know why he passed but they said  it wasn’t anything contagious or environmental; which meant Max would be okay. Except I have no closure. I don’t know why Pico was taken from us and without an answer, all I do it worry about Max.

I never saw Pico again. Then, a few days ago, Cameron came home with some packages. He lifted up a small brown box and said, “This is Pico.” and I cried some more. Then, yesterday, I looked at the 3″X3″x3″ cardboard box with postage stamps, picked it up, held it tight, and started crying again.

When Cameron got home I told him we couldn’t keep Pico in a box anymore.

He told me he was going to open the box and I told him I was sorry but that I couldn’t be there when he opened it, so he took it in the bird room, came out with a small silver thing and I asked what it was. He said, “It’s an urn. I’s Pico.” and handed it to me slowly. I took it and I started crying. He held me while I cried for a bit, then I looked at him and cried some more and I said “It’s so small. He’s gone.” and cried some more. I told him I don’t know what to do with him and started rattling off everything you can do with ashes from burying them to turning them into a diamond or a firework. And then I handed him back and he said “I think for now I just want to set him with his doughnut in the cage”, I said okay and he took the doughnut down from hanging, laid it on the floor of the cage and set the urn in the middle. I cried some more.

Even as I’m writing I can’t stop crying. I just miss him and I hurt and I’m sorry because I don’t know why he’s gone and I didn’t get him there fast enough and I could’ve checked on them before I went to the gym and maybe he’s be okay. I can’t stop blaming myself and missing him and being scared for Max and I’m just sad and miserable and depressed and I know it hasn’t even been two weeks but I don’t know when I’ll feel reminiscent instead of miserable.

I just hurt.
Maybe letting this out will help.

I love you, Pico. You were a good bird, a great big brother to Max, and a twinkle in Cameron’s eye. I miss you.

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Radical Schedule Change: Week 4/5 Update

2/6
Temporarily forgot that I had my part-part-part time job’s (I work at a doughnut shop once in a while when they’re short staffed) holiday getty 2/5 at night. We got there at 7:30, left around 9:00, home around 9:20, sleep immediately, and I still only got maybe 4 hours of sleep. Obviously waking up early didn’t happen today.
I don’t know why my sleep has been so restless and terrible, but I think I can fix at least one factor: alcohol. It seems that when I drink alcohol later than 8, even if it’s just finishing a glass, my sleep is heavily affected. So, I will no longer have alcohol after 7:30pm on nights before an early morning wake-up time.

2/7 
Drank wine last night with dinner, but maintained my cut-off of 7:30pm, not sure it’s early enough but I did sleep a little better.
Woke up this morning at 5:30- yay! (alarm was set for 5 so I got some snoozes).
Got dressed, brushed teeth, etc. and made it to the gym at about 6. Worked out ’til about 7 then got ready for work and left to get here early (I needed to finish our reconciliations and get them scanned and sent).
Anyway- it was a good day and I’m a little sleepy but I’m hoping being sleepy will mean a good night’s rest, and if I can keep this up for the rest of the week, maybe next week I can get back to 4:30am’s!

2/8
Woke up early, 5:45, even after a poor night’s sleep. Got to the gym at 6, had a quick workout, and then everything fell apart.
After a ton of commotion and trying to get him to the emergency room my bird, Pico, died.
I couldn’t do anything. My boyfriend finally said that I had to eat, so we got some donic to tide over ’til a chinese place opened. I cried and moped and snuggled and Netflix-binged for the rest of the day. I took some meds to help me sleep and I still woke up in the middle of the night.

2/9
It’s still hard to believe he’s gone. Getting out of bed was impossible. I got out of bed at almost 8am; I just wanted to stay there and pretend like yesterday didn’t happen. I got up, and went through the motions to get to work. I think my sleep isn’t going to pan out well for a while.

2/10
Today marks the anniversary of our first date so we woke up around 8, got dressed (which took me forever and a day), and went to a place that opened at 11:30 for “brunch”. had a pretty lazy day, burgers at the place we had our first date for dinner, but stayed up ’til around 11 and I did not keep my cap-time for cutting myself off of wine. I didn’t sleep so well, which I had a feeling would happen, but it’s practically a holiday so I cut myself some slack

2/11
Woke up around 8:30, netflix binged, fell asleep at 4-ish, woke up at 5-ish, and went to sleep around 9 but didn’t actually fall asleep ’til 11. Note to self – laziness and naps are bad for sleep schedule.

2/12
Alarm was set for 4:30, and I actually woke up; but then it was cold and ugly outside and I didn’t feel like going outside to go the gym, there wasn’t a bunch to do around the apartment, and my boyfriend slept like crap so he didn’t want to get up, and these are all terrible reasons but, regardless, I decided to just got to the gym after work and sleep some more.

2/13
I can’t sleep. This had been a long time issue for me, but falling asleep is hard and staying asleep tends just not to happen. Tonight I slept at 10:15 and was completely restless ’til I woke up at 6:45.

2/14
Still working on fixing my sleep schedule, I went to sleep at 9:30. I woke up a little before 2:00, stayed up til 2:30, and was up again around 4. I tried sleeping and let myself recoup ’til 7am.

2/15
Rather than try to keep catching up, I thought maybe trying the force-myself-awake route might work again, so I went to bed at 9:30 or so, slept closer to 10am, and woke up at 4:30. And I got up, went to the gym, it was great. But then I was exhausted all day.

2/16
Thanks to my exhaustion, I fell asleep at 9:30 but was up between 2:30 and 5am for the most part and truly felt like I hadn’t slept at all, so I stayed in bed ’til 7am. I’m not sure if it’s all my bad dreams, regular restless sleep, or the cold weather but my usual bad sleep is even worse, and nothing seems to be fixing it. At least it’s the weekend tonight.

2/17
Went to bed around 9 pm and slept at around 10pm; one of my longest fall-asleep times.
Pro-tip for waking up early on a weekend- have a job. Today I worked my once-in-a-while part-part-time job at the doughnut shop.
Had to be there at 9 and it’s a bit of a drive so I wok up at 8am to get ready. After work we went to my friend’s bday party and left early because I was so tired.

2/18
Yep, still tired. Slept around 10pm, woke up at 8am which should be plenty of sleep except this is some of the most restless sleep I’ve had. I was up at 2am, 4am, and 5am and all the rest in between was barely asleep. Twice I woke up in the middle of a bad dream. I don’t know why they keep happening. Today I napped for a little over; just clonked out in the middle of a tv show around noon.
When we decided on dinner (tilapia, mac’n’cheese, green beans), I ate some but was just craving sugar, so I poured myself a glass of amaretto. After I finished it, my boyfriend poured me another glass, too tall, and I got sick. We both place the blame on ourselves for how sick I got, but I’ve got to think it was more than the alcohol because I’ve never been that sick from that few drinks. Needless to say, this was a poor night’s’ sleep.

2/19
Woke up in time for work after blackout sleep and made it through the day pretty well- just tired and slow-going but no headaches or anything indicative of having had too many drinks, which still makes me wonder if the fish may have played a part.
Also learned that the gym is closed for the week so I now officially have no motivation for waking up early this week> I just don’t know how I started out so well then just completely started failing. I do have some ideas, though:

  1. My diet changed, and then my needs of my diet changed. I, even without waking up early, am genuinely working out 3 times a week minimum and sometimes more, and I’m seeing differences in my body between muscle gain and fat loss. I think I haven’t been fueling my body properly for a few weeks and it’s affecting my sleep.
  2. While I try to be consistent, I’m maybe not consistent enough. I sleep any time between 9pm and 10pm and maybe that’s too big of a window.
  3. My sleep has definitely been worse since we lost Pico. I have significantly more frequent bad dreams and restless sleep and I think it will just take time before this changes.

 

I think I’m going to take a few weeks off of trying to wake up at 4:30 until my heart heals some and my sleep improves. It hasn’t even been two weeks and I think my body is trying to tell me to slow down for now.
We finally got Pico back so maybe once we put him to rest somewhere I’ll find some closure. I think about him throughout the day, but I think at night I mourn more and worry about Max since the doctor’s were unable to determine what caused Pico’s untimely and unexpected passing.

This has definitely been a worthwhile experiment and while I haven’t been able to consistently get up at 4:30, I am much better at going to sleep at a reasonable hour and I do wake up earlier on weekends. I think once I get my sleep in order again, waking up early will be more feasible.

Radical Schedule Change: week 3 update

*I will do updates henceforth on Mondays*

Alright, so this past week was definitely harder to keep the schedule.

Even though I got in bed Thursday night before 10pm, I woke up at 1:30, again at 3:30, and never really fell back asleep, but I did get up around 5:30 to finish straightening up around the house. We picked my mom up from the airport at 9pm, grabbed some groceries/snacks for her, stayed up to chat, and I didn’t got to bed ’til about 1:30 again.

Woke up Saturday morning around 6:30, got up around 7:30 to shower, and then drove out to  Colorado Springs for brunch, then came home, ran errands, and went to sleep around 9, but slept in Sunday to try to catch up on sleep. Needless to say, this the Superbowl on Sunday, I was up late and didn’t sleep well. This morning I woke up around 7 and am still tired, but am not going to try to “catch up” on sleep because cleary it isn’t working. I’m going to aim for 5:30am for the rest of the week and am really going to push myself to get out of bed.

Things that are holding me back:
1) Myself- I allow myself to snooze the 5:30 to stay in bed for another half hour, then another… etc.
2) My boyfriend, who is darn good at snuggling and really just makes me want to stay in bed (like being under warm blankets in cold weather- you just want to stay.)
3) My lack of commitment with visitors and super bowl and in general to go to bed.
4) My poor sleeping. I am working on fixing this. I have a comfy bed, and I try to turn off electronics x amount of time before bed, but I have a long way to go and I refuse to get a prescription drug to help. (has tried melatonin, did not work.)

I do think that the anticipation of my Mom’s visit and the excitement of the super bowl have affected this week, and I am giving myself another chance to really do this. It’s a process, it really is, but I feel a little more successful each week.
I do notice change, though. I used to sleep in on weekends until 10/11 and now I really am ready to get up at 7 or 8 and that’s a really nice change and a lot of gained time.

If you have tips for keeping a bedtime routine/schedule or tips on how to sleep better, please let me know!

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Dieting: Mixing Two Diet Plans with a Twist

I have been trying to lose weight for about two months now. I estimate my weight gain is because I was injured and had to take a lot of time (6 months) off of my usual workout schedule. Also, potentially because I’ve been medically directed to skip the placebo week of my 28-day birth control packets; so I’m always on active pills which has been known to cause weight gain.
In either case, I’m usually comfortable at 115 lbs even with muscle (mind you, I’m a petitely framed 5’0″), skinniest is about 100, and for the two months that I’ve been trying to eat fairly healthy and definitely have kicked up my exercise, I’ve been stuck at a jiggly 125 lbs.

This changes now.
As of 1/30, starting with breakfast, I am on a diet; well, merging two diet concepts to make them work for me for long-term eating habit changes.

One concept I am working with is to cut carbs, which seems obvious. I plan to allow myself potatoes, sweet potatoes, and corn (which I think is a starch, not a carb) on an infrequent basis but am cutting out the very obvious carbs like bread, carby/empty snacks like chips, candy, and the like.
I plan to keep this up very strictly for one month. When my month is up, I will decide how frequently to work these in.

Another diet plan is going vegetarian. Most diet plans that suggest people like me who simply refuse to go full vegetarian try cutting meat one day a week, maybe two. With my intended workout schedule of 5 days a week, I think it’s too risky and potentially detrimental to cut out meat. I realize there are protein substitutes but I need to uncomplicate my meals, not make them harder.
As such, I’ve remodeled this to cutting out meat for breakfast and lunch while eating a meat-hearty dinner.
I plan to keep this part of the diet up for longevity with maybe 3 exception meals a month after the first month.

I am also cutting out dairy where noticeable- like opting out of cheese on salads and butter when not used for cooking (ex, ordered my sweet potato requesting they not serve it with the usual butter).

Essentially, I will be eating fruits, vegetables, and/or eggs for breakfast and lunch and then a 1.5/2 serving helping of meat (or fish) for dinner with a single serving of veggies.

In case you’re interested in my actual food on this diet, I will be exporting my log from fitbit once I have enough data that it seems worth it.
In making my diet work, 85%ish of my fruits and veggies are canned, and my proteins are mostly going to come from ground turkey, sausage/brats, and chicken bought from Costco and then frozen until needed.
I bring a two cans of each (fruit/veggies) to work, freeze (in can) the fruit for 30-45 minutes so it’s cold, and if whatever we’re ordering doesn’t have a good option*, I eat my cans of veggies. My “lunch bag” – a tote- is pretty heavy, but I think it’s gonna be worth it.

(*I work at a doctor’s office so drug reps bring us lunch almost every day.
For money-saving purposes, if I can order something diet appropriate it just makes sense to order rather than eat from my own pocket … err, pantry.)

On Day 1 I explained to my coworkers my new diet- in much shorter terms of course- and am already catching praise for my willpower. So far I’ve already turned down crab rangoons (which are one of my favorites) and have walked by our candy bowls many times without grabbing any. I drink lots of water and when I need a sweet fix I have hot tea, sometimes with honey.

So here’s to my new diet still holding up, and hopefully a month of really sticking to the plan and a long term change for the healthier.
If you’ve got any tips on curbing cravings or recipes you think I should try, please comment below!

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Radical Schedule Change: days 3-9

See previous days and explanation here

Day 3: 1/25

Slept “in” til 7ish, went to a scheduled previously scheduled Dr’s appt before work and got told I probably have a viral infection. Needless to say, waking up early will be on hold until I’m better.

Day 4: 1/26

Still sick. I think yesterday was about the same as today. All kinds of miserable but no fever and since I have my own office, I’m not worried about making everyone else sick. Presenteeism (or showing up even when one should stay home) is a problem in most offices, but in this case, I shouldn’t still be contagious and I told my coworkers to steer clear of my office for the day, just in case. I also left an hour and a half early because my throat was so sore and my coworker said I looked worse than this morning. I went home, turned the heat up, and bundles up.

Day 5: 1/27

Slept it, took Nyquil, slept again, Netflix bined some Grace and Frankie, and napped a lot while eating soup and drinking gatorade. This whole waking up early thing isn’t happening for a while.

Day 6: 1/28

Still not better. I think I’m over the worst of it, but I slept ’til 8 and will let myself sleep in ’til 7 or so tomorrow.

Day 7: 1/29

Well, I’m not all better, but I’m hoping today is the last of it. I slept in ’til 7 and will try waking up at 5:15 tomorrow so as not to shock my sick self too much. I’m hoping a morning workout may also help pump the rest of this virus out of my body.

Day 8: 1/30

I woke up at 5:15, went to the gym, and got some things done around the house. I think  I was too excited to get back into things to realize I was still a little sick. Also had mad sneezes, like 20 per hour, after working out which is new. I was so drained when I got home that by 8pm I was ready for bed; which is not normal.
I also, however, had the world’s craziest day at work with a lot of personal errands to run, and barely had time to eat anything which probably didn’t help.
I’ve decided to sleep in tomorrow to recoup and try again Thursday.

Day 9: 1/31

Slept in, got up around 6:30 and felt a little under the weather again (stuffy/scratchy. Packed a gym bag and did some things around the house, will be waking up at 5/5:30 tomorrow. Still not sure how to tackle Friday since my mom flies in at 9pm and we’re going out when she lands, but I think I can still wake up at 5:30 and pull the night off. So maybe the aim for this week (well, Thursday and Friday pending I keep this virus at bay) will be 5:30 and then I’ll kick it up to 4:30am next week.

 

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Radical Schedule Change (Days 1&2)

1/23: Day 1

Waking up is hard to do – Sum 41

Today I tried to wake up at 4:30am. This is my new desired weekday wake-up time, and I’m planning on 5:30 for weekends.

I’m trying to work out in the morning and get everything done around the house before I go to work. After work I’m just too tired and/or lazy.
I read some articles a while back about waking up exceptionally early. A woman had a short commute to work which started at 9am so she started waking up at 6:30 or so to get things done without being in a hurry. Then she ramped up to 4:30 or something and was shocked at how much more time she had and what she could get done. She raved about it, so I am trying the same thing. (This is not that story, but it’s helpful.)

I woke up today at 4:30. I couldn’t get myself out of bed, but I was eyes-open awake.
At 4:45 I got out of bed, got dressed in my gym clothes, made my boyfriend his lunch, brushed my teeth, put some things in the kitchen away, tidied the room, and at 5:15 I got back in bed because he didn’t need to get ready ’til 5:45 and I had finished what I wanted to get done.
This was a mistake.
At 5:45 when he was supposed to get up, I was asleep and apparently this made him not want to wake me and/or get ready, and so when I woke up it was 6:15, he was still in pajamas and there wasn’t enough time to go to the gym (yes, that 15 minutes mattered between new morning breath and him not being ready) so we both went back to sleep and I was more tired than at 4:45am so we slept ’til 7:30. I then got out of my gym clothes and ready for work.
I did not have time for breakfast, and I am really disappointed in myself for not getting to the gym.

I consider it a success since I did actually get up and get things done, and a further success because I have learned a) not to get back in bed and b) that I need to take responsibility  for getting myself to the gym or whatever else is intended for the morning. This was day one of my intended new schedule, and while there were some setbacks, I feel really good about having made the strides I did. Tomorrow’s a new morning!

1/24: Day 2

Today did not go well.
Disclaimer: I’m sick. My boyfriend has been under the weather  what with starting school again and being around a bunch of new people and new germs in a petri dish the shape of a University. I also wonder if this affected me yesterday, but who knows.
That being said, I decided not to fight sleep in consideration of my health but also because I had no housework that needed to be done and could therefore go to the gym after work instead.

I am not giving up. I am going to let my body sleep in again tomorrow (maybe 5:30am instead) and then I will resume 4:30am for Friday, and 6ish for the weekends.
I believe I can make this work, and I will, but my health comes first. I will log Thursday through Wednesday and post on this, specifically, next week.

 

If you have tips for waking up, or advice on avoiding allergies/sick feeling in the morning or absolutely any questions or input, I’d love to hear it. 

*If you enjoyed any part of this post, please consider liking it. If you loved it, please consider following me on WordPress. I also love comments including questions, advice, or a review of the post itself. Thank you for reading and best of luck in your adventures.*

Moving In Together

My boyfriend- Cameron- asked me to move in together and I said yes! It was an exciting decision (and also a little disconcerting).
Our official move-in date was Dec 20th (hence my small gap in posts which I sincerely apologize for.)

I’d never lived with a significant other before so I read up on anything and everything I could find about issues to avoid and how to plan and we’d talk about what I found. I love my boyfriend and in the months leading up to moving in together, I was worried about having relationship issues when we moved in since things were so great the way they were. Here’s a few things we discussed beforehand and how, a few weeks in, they seem to be working out:

  1. Finances
    Leading up to moving in, we discussed the obvious things: how much apartment could we afford and how would we be splitting it. Then I got down to the nitty gritty of roping in our restaurant expenses and keeping better track of our groceries and discussing how we’d share those expenses. We also talked about financial obligations already at hand (like my car payments and his GI bill potentially running out before he starts working – he’s a full time student and we may have a few months where he has no income, so we needed to save for that.) I use Mint by Intuit to manage my finances which meant it was easy to just show him my spending and budgets. We also set aside some money and started an Amazon list of what we’d want/need for the apartment (like dressers and maybe a coffee table)
    We tried putting him on my Mint, and it messed my budgets up too much and getting transactions into proper categories wasn’t working. I love Mint, and some couples have succeeded in using it, it just wasn’t working for us- I still use it as an individual.
    We then tried Honeydue – an app that’s specifically for couple’s finances. It allows you to define transactions as a one person, the other, or a shared expense and categorize them. In theory it’s great, but in practice I couldn’t categorize the transactions where they needed to be (like restaurants v.s. the generic “food” category). I asked if they have a web version (which tends to be more user-friendly when it comes to editing), they don’t yet, but I’ll likely try again when they come out with a website that translates to the app (which Mint already does).
    We opened a joint bank account to pay our joint bills, like rent, internet, and utilities, and are going to get a credit card for shared expenses like groceries. We keep track of all transactions to our bank accounts in an excel spreadsheet; incoming and outgoing. He’s an accounting major, which helps a lot.
    Anyway, we’re keeping track pretty well, separately, and we’re going to be setting him up a Mint of his own.
  2. Apartment needs, wants, and stuff
    It was pretty important to me that we have 2 bedrooms and I wanted a second bath but was flexible on that. It was obvious that my birds were coming, and all his tech, so we needed to consider where they’d go. He got full reign of the layout of the living room (his speakers and sound in general was the top of his list) and I didn’t want his desk/computer in our room – I had read that tech in the bedroom is bad for relationships.
    Our furniture merge was pretty simple – I had pretty much none and he had what I didn’t. We out his twin bed in the guest room, bough a queen and a topper for my half to make it a little softer, and a bed frame (literally a metal frame) that is pretty tall for storage space underneath. Living room got set up, things (even after a month, are still being put away, and we did have to buy some things (some floating shelves, the dressers). This really was not an issue, but talking about where we thought things might go made the move easier, even if things didn’t end up where we talked about.
  3. Petty issues and resolution
    I had read that some small issues, when not talked about or addressed to frequently, can create bigger problems. Laundry on the floor, lack of shared chores, mess, etc. We talked about chores, which after moving in were not an issue- we just both do dishes or laundry or whatever when it needs to be done because it needs to be done. We agree when it’s time to do a full on cleaning of the house and we just square away that day to do together, and we agreed, and have followed through, to say something when something isn’t okay and then we work on it together.We’ve had really great communication to begin with so we’re really lucky in that respect, too.

Then, there were the things we didn’t plan for.

First, our apartment had some minor issues: a hole in the bathroom wall under the mirror, certain outlets not working, our alarm system not being aligned quite right.
Then we had flooding in our guest bedroom that his mom was staying in. They dried it up, told us it was the dishwasher, told us not to use it, then they decided it was coming from upstairs. A few days later the leak was resolved, drywall was removed, mold was cleaned out, drywall was replaced and repainted, the garbage disposal stopped working, and we had a new leak into the guest bedroom. We moved his computer out, for good, into the space between the kitchen and living room and just had stuff everywhere because we still couldn’t put it away.

We did a lot of emotional checking-in in this state. A lot of, “our apartment sucks, but I love you and I’m still glad we’re doing this” and “are you doing okay? It’s gonna be okay”. It also helps that he was on break between semesters and his mom was there to help with all the maintenance multiple times a day every day for a few weeks.

I told him, multiple times, that I think your first apartment is supposed to suck, so you can see how you deal with it together. Those issues have now been resolved and we put the birds in the guest room, left his computer set up where it is between the kitchen and living room, the apartment is slowly coming together, and our relationship feels a little stronger just for going through what we have.

I’m glad we did all the planning we could, and I’m thankful for his strength and patience to help keep me sane and for our communication and love for the things we couldn’t plan for.

 

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