Category Archives: running-rugby-fitness-injuries

Putting “Me” (Mostly) First

So, part of what I allowed to happen is that I put things like income, a new job, my boyfriend, other responsibilities all first. I then put the things I want,”need” to do, and like to do further down the list. Last, I put me and my mental and physical needs.

I want to be clear, my boyfriend takes great care of me.
I also need to take great care of me.
I realize I can’t put me first all of the time, and probably shouldn’t even if I could, but I have to stop putting myself last all of the time, too.

I mentioned a few areas I need to refocus on, so here’s how I plan to do so.
(Some of these items are intertwined, but I will keep them as separate to be sure I remember to revisit them as goals.)

My mind, body, and soul: Okay, so this one is a little vague. But I want to find ways to feel stimulated and in touch with my inner self. I’ve opted to continue to search for a new, hopefully more fulfilling, job. I also am enrolling back in school for what will be my second undergrad degree and third overall. I also have been listening to NPR more on my way to work and to podcasts in the shower or when I do laundry or, at the moment, pack. More than that, I have a glass of wine if I want to, have cleaned up my diet, and have been exercising 3 days a week, at least. I also have been working on telling myself I’m okay. I tell remind myself that I’m beautiful, a good person, a good girlfriend, and that I get to keep working at being even better at those things.

My home and how I keep it: I have not been playing my part in keeping the home together and tidy. I plan to start being better at my “coming home” routine and hanging my coat up when I get home, putting my yoga mat back where it belongs, creating a definitive place for my work-purse in our new home so it isn’t just in the middle of the floor. I also want to, before I leave for work, tidy up a few things here and there.
My sister-in-law gave me a book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, that when I initially read it, it prompted me to make some changes; then I let it all fall to the wayside. I will be picking that back up and working on reading, and periodically re-reading, it to re-incorporate those skills/values back in my life. We are moving into a larger space and I think I’ll be able to have defined spots for specific items where, right now, few items have designated spaces and those spaces are often blocked, shared, and inconvenient.

My work; current and future: I will stay on-task at work. I will be on time. I will not take interviews for jobs I don’t truly want. I will continue to apply for the right jobs while bearing in mind that January, after my boyfriend starts his job and after the holiday season, might make for easier interview scheduling. I will review my LinkedIn and my resume and tailor my resume and cover letter even more closely for positions that I want.

My blog, my book, and my writing practice in general: I will read at night before bed at least one day a week and for a few hours on weekends. I will wake up early on a regular basis and dedicate some of those mornings/time to reading or writing. I will actively participate in NaNoWriMo this November. I will alternate between book club books and books that I want to read.

My knowledge of various things via NPR, PodCasts, and reading: I am listening to NPR more as I drive. I’ve always had it programmed but I tend to change the channel too soon so I have been more actively keeping it tuned in, as well as trying to more actively listen to the coverage. I have been pretty behind in local issues for the upcoming elections and have started listening to Purplish to catch up in addition. I am also looking to listen to more podcasts where I can learn something. Further, I want to make a dent in my very long list of books that I have bought so that I can move on to those in my wishlist. I think that having dedicated reading one night a week as well as for a few hours on weekends will help. I have been binging on my book club book as the deadline draws near and plan to dedicate time further ahead for those books as well as give equal tenor to my desired books.

Reading for leisure and other self-indulgent activities: I’ve addressed reading for book club and leisure, so we can move on to other self-indulgent activities. I bought some face-moisturising masks from Big Lots for $1/ea and am doing one once a month. I also bought myself a spray-tan membership to At The Beach and am really enjoying the quick me-time and feel like because I get to do this, it makes getting in shape feel more like it’s for me. I also got a bunch of my new (thrifted) clothes tailored and feel like my new wardrobe and having clothing fit makes me feel better about my body and pushes me to continue working to get the body I want.

My relationship and my efforts to be a better partner: I have been putting my boyfriend first a lot. My friend came and visited and I put myself first that entire weekend and he said he noticed; he saw himself not being first. He asked me if that was how I wanted to be. We had a hard talk about how I’d been putting his needs and wants and time first too much of the time and that maybe I went a little too far that weekend, possibly in retaliation. Since then, I think our balance has been much better. He also is really supportive of me maintaining my time the way I want; that if I want to get up early and go to the gym, or not be home when he gets home because I’m taking a spin class or hot yoga class, he finds the best way to fill his time and we still have our together time when I get home. I think this is how it should be, and how it always could have been, I just never said “but this it what I want”.
Also, I work on being a better listener and asking how he’s doing and what he needs. He’s so patient and I’ma whirlwind, so I’ve been working on coming down a notch. We also are talking more about next steps in our future and what our schedules will look like come January which I think helps me be better in the moment and in considering how I can start to adjust and prepare to be the best kind of supportive when the time comes.I think, in general, by  me being a better version of myself, I’m becoming a better partner. I never didn’t listen, I was never unsupportive, we’ve had pretty great communication from the start and really have been working on our weaknesses as a couple from the beginning. I think I’ll be more improved in my weak areas as I focus on me and it will positively affect our relationship as a byproduct.


I’m excited for the small changes I already see in myself. I’m also happy because I see that these are not character changes, I do not need to change who I am or how I treat others.
I just need to treat myself the way I treat others; with respect, kindness, love, and attention.


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Costco for Diet

Okay, so we officially need to be eating better at home. We’ve had a crazy few weeks with friends’ birthdays, being under the weather, and another leak in the apartment and everything that a leak entails (water removal, cutting a hole in the wall to check for a pipe leak, that not being the issue, a new HVAC, more water removal, etc.). We needed healthier options, we needed them in-home, and we needed them two weeks ago (okay, maybe two months ago). I don’t prefer to do my grocery shopping during the week, but at this point it was necessary.
My friend and I had plans for Wednesday (last week) so I was going to go Thursday but she got held up with work so my plans flip flopped- please note this as a pun when you read my Costco-spree footwear mistake.
I cannot go to Costco all willy-nilly, I have to have a plan of action (I think everyone does), so I made a shopping list and booked it from work to just past my house for a #CostcoRun.

First of all, I got out of the car and saw a large van/truck having issues parking. I stopped to help guide her into her spot and then continued inside. After showing my Costco card, I realized I had left the shopping list in the car, ran back to the car, back inside, and started my shopping. Please note that heels of any kind are not ideal for Costco especially when you weigh 135 lbs and are not very strong pushing around a very heavy cart across a seemingly boundless space. Throughout my shopping, I hit a lot of traffic, was the absolute slowest at turning corners, but was overall successful in getting the items on the list.

List: I should’ve saved it but did not so here’s my guesstimate:

Fish/Poultry: ground turkey & chicken breast & Cod/Halibut (which was sour when I got home, will be seeking a refund)/Trout, fish patties (not breaded)
Veggies: broccoli, mini peppers, spinach, green beans, baby carrots, cauliflower
Fruits: bananas, oranges (got a large bag, did not check it, only 4 were good to keep), green grapes
Dairy: Silk
Deli Meat: any, turkey and ham – 1 package of ham in a 3-pack with the two others being urkey, and a 3-pack of turkey
Grains: brown ricebrown rice and quinoa mix in 2 serving packs
Juice: OJ (still waiting for them to bring back Simply- they had Tropicana)
Snacks: kinda wung it here, got all kinds of dark chocolate covered fruits to mix in with an assortment of plain nuts and semisweet chocolate chips, applesauce pouches, dried-and-salted snap peas, apple crispsskippy peanut butter bites, bark thins, almond-seaweed snacks, morning rounds (which really should’ve been on the list, we love those), peanut butter pretzels, pub mix, breakfast-replacement chocolate milk things, and probably something else.
Home goods: toilet paper, dryer sheets, mouthwash

Objective was to get healthier snacks than my boyfriend’s chosen chips and salsa in high doses as well as plenty of food for him to bring to school and for me to start brining to work instead of the drug-rep-brought restaurant food that even healthy options are drenched in grease/oil/added sugars. He is now having two fruits and one veggie a day. Both of us are snackers so I needed us to have plenty of mixable options for home and work without getting bored and craving Five Guys.

Spinach and grapes come in an enormous quantity so we made individual packets of a serving and put some in the fridge and most in the freezer. We are making a conscious effort to eat a fruit or veggie and a “unhealthy” snack whenever we want a snack and to keep our serving sizes in check for those unhealthy options. We also needed to cook at home more and the fish patties are quick, easy, healthy, and tasty. Also, the ridiculous amount of spinach equates to plenty of salads before/with dinner.

The biggest issue has been the healthiness of the snacks in the house, the healthy options for lunch and dinner, and often not having any options to the point that we go out for food to a not-even-remotely-healthy place. With this hefty Costco haul, we are set to eat healthy for quite some time with no excuse for eating out with the exception of a friend in town or some other social item.

My boyfriend is still getting over his bug so our workout schedule should start next week though I have started going without him or doing a few squats/sit-ups around the home. We both need to go to the gym regularly, and waking up to go in the morning is the hardest part. I have noticed that I don’t do as well going to bed early and waking up early as I do going to bed around 10 or 11 PM and waking up at 6 AM.

I also want to be clear that my health, my figure, my diet, and my ideal routine are moving targets. I also have to keep changing short term goals based on current abilities dependent upon schedule, injuries, and whether or not I’m sick – which is way to often out here and I blame my coworkers with children who are super guilty of “I’m only a little under the weather, I’m not contagious.” that end up out the next day and have spread their germs with unnecessary presenteeism.

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Still Working on MY Workout

Working out is hard, working out and nothing changing other than your routine is harder.

Turns out, I’ve been trying but not hard enough.

I am not a doctor or medical professional. None of my “ranting” is clinical or medically viable. Do not make any diet or exercise changes without first consulting a medical professional.

Here’s the spill: I went for a period trying to keep my calorie count low, turns out that even though my count was low, my intake was mostly bad fats and carbs.
While I was “dieting” (in any form above) I would workout, but not hard enough, or too hard for too short of a workout, or too infrequently to truly make a difference.

Here’s the thing, working out before work isn’t going to work for me. Even if I wake up early, I have other things I’d rather do and the drive/adrenaline just isn’t there for me right now. I have a good feeling that once I get my fitness in order, I might look forward to morning workouts. That leaves me with after work.

Cyclebar, while I love it, is not in the finances right now. I have five classes left from what I’ve bought and I intend to use them, but we are tightening our purse strings and with a free mini-gym in the front office of our apartment complex and a gym membership where my boyfriend can bring me (or anyone else) for no fee that has plenty of equipment, it just seems to be one of the few things we can cut for a few months.

I have thirty-ish hot yoga sessions at Sumits Yoga already on account that I will work in to my routine.

All this aside, I have been trying to many things. Running is still a struggle, but when I get right down to it, I haven’t been trying to run again the right way- more importantly, running is what works so I need to do better at paralleling what used to work for me.

I had been elliptical training, but I was doing it wrong and because of that, I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted and opted for other forms of training. Running for me was always about my distance training at a respectable pace. 10/10:30 or so was a good pace for me, but I used to be able to keep that for 5+ miles, and even when I was slower, a 2.5/3 mile run was a short run and 5+ was my go-to length. Either way, that’s 30 minutes to an hour of consistent athleticism. That’s what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve been doing spinning, which is about 30 minutes of switching between pushing and coasting, an arms-weight-training break, and more switching. I’ve also been following elliptical training guides which follow the same format.

I’ve seen the light. I need to do an aggressive, but doable for a long term, workout. I put the elliptical on a 10 incline and an 8 weight, a tv show on my Kindle, and I workout for about an hour. So far it seems okay, and I’m seeing changes after a very short time. I am holding my breath, but plan on keeping this up.

I am realizing now that consistency is key. This workout is working, but I am going to continue keeping my diet in check, doing this routine at least three times a week, and finding another activity at least twice a week.

In usual form, having found a new workout practice that I am trying to put in place, I have caught a bug. I don’t know if I keep getting sick because I’m out of shape, if my tring to get in shape is the cause, or what.

I do know that when I don’t sleep, I get sick. Also, when I get sick, I have trouble sleeping. I sleep better when I am exercising regularly, but I can’t exercise regularly if I’m not sleeping and especially not if I’m sick, from lack of sleep or organically. So the conundrum continues, but I have also come to realize that I’m not that out of shape. I’m thicker than I used to be, but I’m not thick. I also realize that accepting my figure and just trying to work out for mindset, sleep, and other health and happiness related reasons as opposed to continuously focusing on my figure.

I am determined to get well, then get fit, and hopefully not continue repeating this cycle of getting sick, sliding back, and starting over.
I am, however, working on accepting that this might just be a new cycle for me. That my figure, cyclical sickness, and health status may just be the norm until some things change; my job is more stressful than it should be, my commute is longer than I’d like, and my finances at home are tight. Eventually, I like to thin this won’t be the case which may affect change in my current patterns, but ’til then, I’m working on loving how things are. I’m not going to fat-shame myself when I’m not really fat. I’m not going to push myself to work out when I know I need sleep. I am going to love myself emotionally and in my routines, even if it means my waist stays at 34″.


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Weight Loss Cleanse?

My boyfriend suggested that to kickstart our new round of weight loss we do a cleanse.

We have both been sincerely trying but clearly not hard enough. We’ve both heard of boosting weight loss with a cleanse or detox, so he asked me to look into what it entails and that, if feasible, we should do one after our upcoming trip.

This will be some research, some options, and a decision. That being said:
I am not a doctor or medical professional. None of my “research” is clinical or medically viable. Do not make any diet or exercise changes without first consulting a medical professional.

So looking into a cleanse, many reiterate that a cleanse is great to start a diet, but is not a long term fix. Some have suggested a cleanse before a cleanse; avoiding processed foods, caffeine, and alcohol in the days leading up to a cleanse to avoid a shock to the system and others suggesting cleansing drinks or remedies prior to a cleanse period.

Cleansing options come in many varieties: a shock to the system by doing a complete water-only fasting diet for a short period of time, some other one or two day fix, a longer, complicated subset of instructions and meal plans for one to three weeks involving food restrictions and/or detoxifying drinks or heavily acidic foods, or a simple detox avoiding obvious “toxins” such as processed foods, caffeine, and alcohol and eating either only home cooked foods or raw fruits and veggies.

So, there will be some discussion as to what we plan to do, but I’ll probably opt for a one to three week no alcohol, no caffeine, no processed food option or a short juice cleanse and then the former. That is, if we do it.

There are benefits and/or consequences to consider before taking the leap. Some of the negative side effects include losing some weight that might want to be kept, like muscle mass, or weight that will come back rapidly, like water weight. Many people experience diarrhea, extreme hunger, or fatigue which may also result in headaches. In the case of juice cleanses, there is a potential loss of protein which has many of the side effects above with the addition of feeling weak.

Also, “[there’s no scientific evidence that juice cleanses are a sensible approach to better health, Applegate said. Cleansing’s touted benefits — from detoxifying the body and resting the digestive system, to boosting immunity and improving mental focus — are largely anecdotal and unproven.”

For each side effect, there does seem to be some helpful reactions to ease the disturbance. As for the lack of scientific evidence, the biggest argument backing the statement isn’t just the lack of studies or supportive findings, but the cost of many of the cleanse kits without the inkling of guarantee of a benefit.

However, I plan on finding a DIY or a discount on a cleanse and I’m not looking for a guarantee, I’m looking for something new in addition to my diet and exercise because what is scientifically proven isn’t working for me.

Benefits of a detox, while maybe not proven, have many advocates and people who “swear by” or repeat on a regular basis; even if you’re paid the first time to advocate for it, why would people repeat it if they didn’t think it worked for them? Also, everybody’s body, genes, and internal systems are different and so are their lives which affects lifestyle, stress levels, and other weight-affecting factors; hence new trends where they take a quiz on your body type and weight loss struggles and suggest you should be on a high, healthy fat diet where others may need to include more carbs than their current diet.

At the end of the day, there is not a one-size-fits-all diet because humans come in all shapes and sizes, not to mention external and internal factors. Maybe juice cleanses only work for already fit people, or maybe it works for people with a certain genetic disposition, or maybe they don’t work at all and it’s just a placebo that works on the people who believe in it.

Based on this, I plan to do a cleanse with my boyfriend. We will start with a juice cleanse (probably will find something from Groupon or a deal elsewhere), come what side effects may. After the juice cleanse, we’ll continue on to a two-week no alcohol, no caffeine, minimal preservatives diet that will hopefully train us to keep preservatives to a minimum in the long-term. We’ve got some birthdays and another set of travel coming up, so we’re still working on what day to start this, but in the meantime we are definitely cutting back on preservatives and a more consistent workout schedule, and sometime mid-September doing the cleanse and strict two-week diet. I’ll include a post for when we do it, what we both start and end as with our measurements, and how we feel throughout.

Just knowing that we plan to do this, I already feel rejuvenated and motivated.


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New 10k Plan



Made this plan myself so I know I can stick to it. Today was supposed to be day 1 but I have a sore throat so I’m going to rest it, especially since I’m staying late at work.
(Today, the day of this post, is the Friday on the “Partial” week.)

I’ve got just over seven weeks ’til a 10k and I want to be able to run the whole thing without stopping, however slowly. I also wanted a training plan that suited me and my busy schedule.


  • ? / days where I didn’t want to out a workout because being able to work out is questionable that day (ex: plane landing in CA, potential all-day plans, etc.)
  • – / days I know I won’t work out (ex: have a “thing” right after work, like writing group or lecture.)
  • cyclebar / spinning class
  • hot yoga / hot yoga
  • rest/stretch / a rest day with stretching throughout to prevent soreness
  • workout + x mi / a workout day with a run either before or after the workout


I laid out my weeks, put in the “days off”, and started filling in a schedule. I tried to make sure my total mileage doesn’t increase too much from week to week, that my longest run doesn’t increase too much from week to week, and that I run three days a week with a good mix of other activities. It’s in my google drive and I’m going to start putting the workouts in my Google Calendar as “tasks” to make sure I get them done.

Posting  just to show that if you can’t find a training plan that works for you, you can make your own, too!


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Shout Out from Yoga

Alright, so among other things in trying to be an all around better me, I’ve realized I need some mindfulness time. For me, I’ve enjoyed yoga for a long time and I just kind of never picked it back up when I moved out to CO. I started doing it again by way of hot yoga. This post isn’t about how much I love yoga or hot yoga or the particular place I currently practice at and their instructors/atmosphere.

I know that we’ve like, never, not once talked about my body image issues. but something I’ve been trying to do lately is give myself less of a hard time. Like, first of all, my boyfriend still finds me attractive, I’ve had friends say (with no obligation) that I still look great, and at the end of the day the thing I hate most is that my clothes don’t fit and that I have more cellulite than ever which- now that it’s warming up and I’ve taken a recoup period and done some training prep- running should really help fix. Out of all of the above, the biggest issue is my self confidence and my wanting to hide my cellulite- which, by the way is a totally normal phenomena; we, as humans, get cellulite.

I overheat, a low. By the end of any race I can think of, I cross the finish line in a sports bra, leggings. and Flip-Belt. Being over-clothed, even in breathable fabric, started to put a damper on my workouts, so I made a new resolution to wear what I needed for a good workout, that literally no one cared what I looked like or what I was wearing. But see, that’s the thing. I didn’t have confidence in my body/outfit, I decided no one cared. But I care.

Then, two days ago at hot yoga, I had this woman give me my inspiration and she doesn’t know it, but she’s my confidence model; like a role model but I don’t know her that well so just on the bad-ass confidence front. I show up in shorts and a sports bra because last class I wore leggings and a sports bra and still overheated. I seem to be almost hiding behind my yoga mat as I walk in, hugging it so that it’s perpendicular to the floor conveniently hiding most of my body as I pass the few people already present.

I simultaneously realize I need to put the yoga mat down and remind myself, again, no one is looking at me or cares what my body looks like. I start setting up and doing what feels comfortable as I try to adjust to the temperature and humidity in the room. A few more people walk in, and then it’s about five minutes until class officially starts.

She walks in after most of us are set up. She’s a quite a bit thicker than me, in shorts and spaghetti strap top all matchy matchy, cellulite out without a care, tan, and pretty. She sets up her mat at the front of the room and grabs a block. Once her space is gathered, she fixes her hair/bun and I notice she also has on a white band, gold trim, white face, gold hands, cute as hell watch on. Like, not a fitness band, not anything useful for class, just a dank accessory because she can. I already want to be this woman when I have the money for the matchy matchy outfit.

Class starts and she is doing most of the poses in a very “I know my limits” but, in a graceful and purposeful way, using her block, taking her breaks, and lookin’ like a normal person doing yoga because she wants to do yoga not because she has something to prove by way of strength or flexibility.

I want that level of self-assuredness and confidence.

And for the rest of class, I keep thinking this to myself. I want her level of confidence. I want that. But how?

So, this, I don’t have an answer for. I’ve decided from now on to tell myself I look good, to believe it and to internalize it when my boyfriend compliments me, and to not battle off compliments from others. I hope to carry myself better and smile more and hope that my general happier-ness will carry over in to more self confidence. I also hope I can reach the state of confidence and self-worth of my figure before I lose the weight/cellulite so that I know it’s real and will last.

So shout out to this woman, and all the other women, who may not have the magazine/stereotypical/insta model bodies but have the confidence and shine of Beyoncé. I will join your ranks, but until then, thank you for showing me what exuding beauty and confidence is like. Thank you for positively motivating me to love my body. Thank you woman in the blue matchy matchy outfit at yoga.

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Continuing to Fail ’til it leads to Success

So, lately I feel like I’m doing a lot of failing, and failure is okay. So I’d like to address what the attempt was that lead to the shortcoming, the shortcomings themselves, and chances I’ve taken that lead to success- or failure and then success and then failure and then success.

  • Graduating and my job search: As two of my cousins hit the point where they are considering life after graduating, or life after a nice detour after graduating, I think back about when I graduated from my undergrad degree. I tried really hard to get a job anywhere but home, but LinkedIn wasn’t quite what it is today and job boards weren’t either. The sites that had job opportunities through my school ended up having either highly specialized positions or sales positions disguised with other titles. I didn’t want to stay in my college town so I moved home, was jobless for a few months, and then got one bad job, on to the next, and on to the next where I would work my way up and over in a great company that really valued it’s employees. I was, in this position, finally using my education and after a year decided to enroll in further education and get my Master’s, and they were pretty flexible.
  • Leaving Florida: I never wanted to stay in Florida. I just wanted to go, anywhere, but I had to stay when I first graduated due to the above, but now I had experience and was almost done with my MHA. I also had a boyfriend, who, at the time went from good to not so great to neglectful and when we broke up, I really had no reason to stay. I did some narrowing, decided on a new state/city, and left. It was great! I loved it instantly. new job, new home, new sites, new people, and a fresh start. That is, until I got “let go”.
  • Being laid off: Great job should have hired me as a contract position. They needed someone to lay the groundwork for an HR professional with lost of experience but instead, hired me then “reorganized management” and let me go. In November. The expensive time of year where plane tickets and presents get bought and no one is hiring except the service industry. I put on my big girl pants, worked a few jobs, landed a new – real- job in January, and left or scaled back the other jobs.
  • Getting the new job: I applied a lot. A lot. To anything and everything I was qualified for that would hold a decent title and pay a decent salary. I got a lot of responses too. Mostly negative ones or the cold shoulder, some rounds of interviews that I didn’t make the cut for. There was a post for a job I wasn’t qualified for at one of the biggest healthcare systems in the area. I reached out to the recruiter on the post, quick elevator speech/cover letter and my resume and she hooked me up with an interview. I nailed it, got the job, went through the motions, and then got bored because I was overqualified. I got a new new job and I love it. I work for a small specialized medical office and my coworkers are great. I’m good at my job, really good at it, and had I not worked for the previous job I wouldn’t have had one peice of experience they were looking for. At that job I was overqualified, therefore underpaid, and happy but not 100% in my element. We can mark that a C- – so not failure, but not great; that did lead me to where I am now, though.
  • Dating: I, when I got out here, also started dating. That sucked. I went on so many super duper most-awkward-thing-that-has-ever-happened-ever dates. I’d download an app (or three), go on some dates, decide dating was stupid and I should focus on me, then delete apps, and repeat a month later. I finally made the resolution to use my Super Like in the Tinder App. I figured maybe those great catches were’y sure about my investment level in the “likes”, plus, it would tell them I super liked them and maybe give me an edge in getting “liked” back. Failed dates, non-returns on even the super-likes, being ghosted, and a lot of let-down later a really cute guy I super-liked liked me back. He thought maybe I super-liked him by mistake and we hit it off. Our in-app conversations were getting sparse so I let him know that I wanted to meet him and gave him my number. We both apologized about how terrible we were at using the app for communicating, met for our first date (which was amazing) and really hit it off. Now, we live together.
  • Dieting/Schedule change: I’m not even going to bother linking these related posts.
    I have tried so many times and so many different ways to diet, exercise more, or to change my schedule. Now, the week after Cameron’s mom visited and my parents visited and I thought I could really get a handle on things, I caught my dad’s cold. I was so sick I slept through all of Sunday, woke up with a cold sore Monday, am currently on tea, chicken broth, Nyquil and Dayquil to try to avoid getting any worse, and definitely cannot get out of bed without at least 8 hours of sleep. Working out before work is not feasible and part of me thinks working out while sick might not be a great choice. This – trying to get my body back in shape and on a schedule, one is failure after failure for me.
    But, Cameron thinks I still look *____instert compliment here___*, and life happens. I do go to spinning and/or yoga at least once a week and the weather is finally changing to the point that I keep hoping for a 50* or warmer morning so I go for a run. I’m also signed up for a 5k, a 10k, and am considering a virtual race where participants run 100mi over the course of three months.

I guess, in general, in all those moments I felt like crying, did cry, felt exhausted and depressed, and just wanted to give up. And maybe I did; maybe I did give up for a few seconds or a few days, but then reality set in, my drive to not only survive but thrive kicked in, and I took one more step (or ten) and got the (sometimes small) win. I’m still failing in some ways, lots of ways, but also feeling so much happier and successful on a regular basis. And I’m okay with failing, especially since I now recognize my strength to get through it and the strength I have in the people in my corner when my own strength is not enough.

“What do we do when we fall off the horse? We get back on.”
– Maury Ballstein, Balls Models

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